I was a TeenAgE Hard-On.......

the rise and fall of an all-girl punk band & Corinne "Third Degree" Burns.

Ladies And Gentlemen...The Fabulous Stains : A 1982 movie.





a Hard-on in a shopping mall .
Fifteen-year-old Diane Lane plays Corinne "Third Degree" Burns, singer of a band that's only had three rehearsals, with her little sis on guitar and their cousin Jessica, played by a thirteen-year-old Laura Dern, on bass.
Corinne sees the Looters, (a RnR punk band from the UK lookin to break in America)with Ray Winstone as Billy the singer, backed by Paul Simonon from the Clash and Steve Jones and Paul Cook from the Sex Pistols/Professionals ). The headliners are the Metal Corpses (starring Fee Waybill from the tubes fame appropriately enough), who's trying to grab some old glory,cash + gash. Complete with every cockrock cliché attached. They are relics when compared to The Looters, who sound like a cross of Sex Pistols and The Clash, which features former Pistols Paul Cook and Steve Jones, and Clash bassist Paul Simonon.
Soon Corinne convinces the bus driver to take the Stains on tour as a opening act.
The Stains can't play, but Corinne creates dome chaos when she unveils her new look -- black hair w/ white stripes and Aladdin Sane like Bowie makeup, see-through shirt and fishnets -- and yells at the heckling crowd,
"I'm perfect, but none of you shitholes get me because >>> I don't put out!".<<<<




THEN ,,,,,, A typical reporter with an agenda casts the Stains as feminists, saying that their act isn't just snotty nihilism, but a rallying cry against patriarchy.The hype grows + teen girls show up dressed exactly like Corinne and calling themselves "skunks", she then steals one of The Looters songs. +the Stains end up at the top of the bill, selling little stuffed skunks to an army of shrieking look-alikes. When the Looters get booed, Billy stops the show to expose Corinne's authenticity: "it's all just a pose", he tells the audience, "a Con/scam to make a buck" soon they turn on the Stains and lead to this exchange:

Corinne: You're so jealous of me. I'm everything you ever wanted to be!

Billy: A cunt!
Corinne: Exactly.

PURE GENIUS GODHEAD.


not to mention:
Black Randy auditions and Ray beats him up ,
their manager drops em +kicks em off the tour
the stains become the hype of the land stealing join the professionals from jonesy and the band
,,,,,,,,, Corinne's a nobody again shortly there after.
message being....get ahead on the idea of integrity, then dump it for next trend be yourself, as long as "yourself" is a carbon copy of a pop star.
Just thinkin about the 15 year old diane lane shower scene makes a old man feel that much oldeRRRRR.





Tracklist:

1) Lawn Boy "All Washed Up (Rock)"
2) The Looters "Professionals"
3) The Metal Corpses "Roadmap Of My Tears"
4) The Looters "La La La"
5) Lawn Boy "Curfew"
6) The Stains "Waste Of Time"
7) Lawn Boy "All Washed Up (Reggae)"
8) The Stains "Professionals"
9) The Looters "Don't Blow It All Away"
10) The Looters "Conned Again"
11) The Fabulous Stains "Professionals (Video Version)"



Fabulous Stains - Mediafire

**OR**

Fabulous Stains - Megaupload